Cyber relationships tips
On-line relationships are becoming as important
as face-to-face ones. In fact cyber friendships are
so important to young people that many of them
would endure pain rather than lose access to
them. As one young man commented, “ I’d
rather lose a leg than access to facebook”.
On average, young people have 56 online
friends.
The strength of on-line relationships mirrors the
best and at times, the worst of face-to-face
relationships. The only problem is that when
things go badly on-line, they go really badly. As
we know, what goes on the net stays on the net.
In fast paced heated interactions in chat rooms,
people who are usually friendly and positive can
post nasty and hurtful comments with devastating
consequences. For this reason, we need to
develop netiquette- standards of behaviour for
people on-line.
Cyber-safety is about relationships and how
people behave rather than about technology.
Almost two thirds of children have had a negative
experience on-line and 20 % feel badly about
something they have done on-line.
The following guidelines have been compiled
from suggestions made by thousands of young
people and may be useful to consider or use as a
discussion point.
The Suggested Rules of Netiquette.
1.What goes on the net stays on the net.
Virtual words have real life consequences. If you
wouldn’t do it IRL (in real life) don’t do it online.
Use the nana rule- if you wouldn’t want your
nana to know about it, don’t put it on the web.
Your future employers, friends and partners can
and probably will, trace your cyber –trail.
2. Don’t ban, plan! Parents should notthreaten to ban access to the internet ifbullying occurs. The main reason young
people do not tell their parents when they are
cyber bullied is because they fear they will lose
access to the computer.
Parents should let their children know that they
will help them to cope with upsetting events online
but won’t insist they stop using the computer.
3. Take a STAND against cyber-bullying:
Silence – do not respond to abusive messages.
The number one rule for dealing with cyberbullying
is: don't respond, don't interact and don't
engage.
Take a copy of all abusive messages- these may
be useful legally later on. Create a new folder,
called "Abuse", and move hate mail and
messages into this folder
Accept that bullies don’t think like you do -trying
to sort it out with them or asking them to stop
won’t work. Recognise that you are not dealing
with a person who has the same mindset as
yourself. Cyber-bullies are cowards who often try
to hide their identity and behave in nasty ways to
build themselves up and to put other people
down. Cyber-bullying is a pathetic act.
Never deal with this problem alone- get help! No
one can cope with this alone.
Don’t be provoked. Some cyber-bullies play "the
baiting game". A provocative comment is made
and those who respond in irritation are
encouraged to engage in conflict with those who
respond assertively. The provoker watches, waits
and stirs the pot.
Become an observer. Although you may be the
target of the cyber-bully's anger, you can train
yourself to act as an observer. This takes you out
of the firing line and enables you to study the
bully and collect evidence.
4. Know that people take cyber-bullying
seriously and that you will be taken
seriously. The Australian Government has just
committed $125 million to improving cyber -
relationships. If you are bullied on-line, let your
school know and let the police know. There are
legal avenues that can be taken to stop cyberbullying.
5. Develop a code of Netiquette. Some
ideas include:
-Don’t bully or be mean to others on-line.
- Let people know that cyber-bullying is a weak
and cowardly act of hatred on-line.
-Don’t harass or stalk people on-line
-Don’t pass on embarrassing photos or
posts about others.
-Parents should not allow kids to have webcams
in bedrooms. Skype should only be allowed if the
computer is in a family room. Chat roulette
should be discouraged.
-Know that circulating some photos means that
you risk being charged with child pornography.
-Only add friends that you know and do not add
‘friends of friends’
-If someone on-line wants to meet you in person,
ask an adult to accompany you.
6. Be a responsible user of technology.
We need people to be good cyber-citizens. Be
honest with yourself. Computer games reduce
dopamine. This means it is hard to get motivated
to do anything else once you have been on-line
for a while. Do your study before you go on-line.
Advergaming
Most of us think that the major dangers to
children on-line are pedophiles posing as young
people and either showing them inappropriate
images of themselves or luring kids into meetings
with them. This does occur though kids are much
sharper at picking an adult who tries to be
younger on-line than most parents believe.
Corporations have also got in on the act of trying
to manipulate young people’s thinking.
Advergaming is a mix of advertising and
entertainment that takes the form of games.
Games may be located on a website owned or
sponsored by a corporation. Companies use
personal information about users to further tailor
their marketing.
Other companies develop special games that
develop positive attitudes towards a product. One
example is the USA army’s game America’s
Army, which was specifically designed to
increase recruitment.
Products are also linked to games or strategically
placed to promote a desire among young people
to buy a product.
Here come the Cyber Doctors
Adults will never know enough to completely
protect young people when they are on-line.
For this reason, some schools are setting up
groups of students called “Cyber Doctors”.
This is a group of students who can help others
when bad things happen on-line. They educate
themselves about cyber relationships and then
are available for anyone in the school who needs
them.
If someone has done something on-line that they
regret or have experienced something negative
for themselves on-line they can request a
meeting of the cyber doctors who work with them
to resolve the issue.
Often young people are in the most powerful
position to help others cope and disentangle the
complexities of cyber-bullying.
The Cyber Doctors have an adult who also meets
and co-ordinates the group as well as collecting
information about the types if incidents that
occur.
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